The guys were playing poker. Pete lost $1,000 on a single hand, clutched his chest and died. Realizing that Pete’s wife needed to know, Frank agreed to tell her. “Be discreet,” his friends told him.

Frank went to Pete’s home and knocked on the door. When Pete’s wife answered, Frank told her that Pete had lost $1,000 playing poker and was afraid to come home.

Pete’s wife said, “Tell him to drop dead.” Frank says, “O.K. I’ll tell him.”

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While I was taking lessons to parachute, I asked, “If we have a complete malfunction, how much time do we have to deploy our reserve parachute?”

The instructor said “the rest of your life.”

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 97-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.

She began coolly, ‘Yes, your honor. I figured that at 97, if he could still have sex…he could also probably fly.”