How is the local football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
*****************************************************************
Why did the linebacker steal a police car?
He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
*****************************************************************
How do you get a former star football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
*****************************************************************
Two men were talking. “So, how’s your sex life?” “Oh, nothing special. I’m having Pension sex.” “Pension sex?” “Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!”
*****************************************************************
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, “How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?” She glanced at him and replied, “You’re never home!”
*****************************************************************
