I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Digging a hole is the only job where you can start at the top.

Snap judgment always has a way of getting unfastened.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.