Occasionally draw on your command of the language by saying nothing.

Silence cannot be misquoted.

The greatest of all faults is to imagine that you don’t have one.

If you smile when things go wrong, you probably know who to blame it on.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper – the closer I gets to the end, it the faster it goes.

Ignoring the facts does not change the facts.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

God didn’t do it all in one day, what makes you think you can?

Give more than you gain and you’ll have more pleasure than pain.

A good scare is often worth more than good advice.