A college football coach is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; believe it or not, the other half can dress themselves.

Every woman’s dream: Her ideal man takes her in his arms & throws her on the bed….. & cleans the whole house while she sleeps.

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.